Dr. Schmidt does not have the authority to marry or divorce people, and sees
much wisdom in the warnings of Jesus in Matthew 19: 1-12, especially verse 6.
Therefore he has never given up on a marriage or advised divorce.
Yet when people have filed for divorce, or are being divorced against their will, he is honored to help guide the
divorce to proceed in a healthy way.
Dr.
Schmidt has counseled over 1500 couples, and is the author of a
divorce-relevant book Coping with Difficult People (Westminster Press).
In his personal life during 2001-2, he navigated the white water of his
wife’s initiating legal divorce.
When he was led to partner with her toward that end, he managed to
avoid losing his serenity, his manners, his generosity, his shirt, or the affection and
respect of his three children, and he can teach you to do the same.
If you are going through a divorce, Dr. Schmidt can teach you how to:
·
prepare for a custody evaluation (which is done by a
psychologist);
·
have problem-free visitations when your children visit either
one of you;
·
enjoy anger management, letting your anger guide and empower you
to
-
focus it positively on correcting injustices,
-
evoke guilt without risking rejection
(“kill `em with kindness”),
-
start constructing the best revenge of all, a life well
lived;
·
avoid pain-killing escape habits such as
-
too much work, gambling, sex, or time with the
TV or computer,
-
abusing substances such as food, drugs or
alcohol,
-
unhealthy choices, such as falling in love too soon
on the
rebound;
·
learn from your mistakes what each of you contributed to your divorce;
·
teach your children someday to do better at marriage than you have; and
·
start your life over again, with or without healthy dating relationships.
For those who need to know about Dr. Schmidt's
own divorce. . . .
In 2002, after four years of regular marital
counseling to save his marriage of 33 years, after partnering with his wife in
the completion of the divorce she requested, he began dating for the first time since the
sixties. The very happy result was finding
in time a life partner totally fit for him. He married Stephanie 12-27-03
with the full blessings of everyone in their lives, including their five grown
children who now very much enjoy each other's company. Stephanie is
an active professional educator herself, and a dedicated, enthusiastic partner
in his writing and speaking ministry.
How I Value Marriage in
my Work
1. Because as a marriage
therapist I know that healthy, lifelong marriage is good for individuals,
families and communities, I affirm the unique value of marriage and the
importance of life long commitment in marriage.
2.
Because
as a marriage therapist I believe that many marriages can be restored to health
even when the spouses are unhappy, conflicted, or demoralized, my first stance
is to explore how the couple might preserve their marriage and find a path to a
better relationship.
3.
Because
as a marriage therapist I believe in fairness and equity in couple
relationships, I promote the needs and goals of both parties.
4.
Because
as a marriage therapist I understand that some marriages are toxic and
dangerous,
I do not promote marital commitment blindly but rather with respect for
the
safety
and human dignity of both partners and their children.
5.
Because
as a marriage therapist I acknowledge my clients’ ultimate responsibility and
authority to make their own decisions about staying married or divorcing, I
respect these decisions even if they differ from what I hope for them, and I
acknowledge that spouses sometimes have incompatible goals for their marriage.
6.
Because as a
marriage therapist I know that there are many stakeholders in marriage,
especially children but also extended family members and the broader community,
I work to help couples see how the success or failure of their marriage affects
others in their lives.
7.
Because as a
marriage therapist I understand the high stakes in working with troubled
couples, I seek consultation when I feel stuck in therapy.
Adapted from The National Registry of Marriage Friendly
Therapists
www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com
Dr. William Doherty
