Courses to Take

            When you come into my office for counseling, we will figure out together where you want to go with our sessions.  It may help you to consider several courses I’ve designed to fit the problems that are most often brought to me:

            For free spirits:  One Step at a Time

            For individuals:  Fitness for the Heart, Mind, and Soul

            For couples:  Growing a Balanced Love Relationship

            For addictions:  Prodigal Sons, and Daughters:  the Journey Home     

            You can think of these as game plans, or menus of experience from which you can order up your own curriculum.  I have placed a blank in front of each item, as you may want to use this like a checklist of experiences you want to build into your counseling with me.

            Except for the first course which is unstructured, each course will ask you seven questions to plan with me the following:  hopes/goals, time frame, cash flow, session formats, assessment, counseling techniques, and homework.

1.  One Step at a Time

             No set course—we’ll play it by ear as we go.  At the end of the first session and at other obvious turning points, we will share our ideas of where you might want us to go, and then you will decide.  You might want to look at some particulars of the other three courses below for things you might want to do with me, at least the first question about goals.

            This first course is for those who don’t know me well enough to trust me yet, those who aren’t yet feeling the need to put much effort into their personal growth, those who feel their problems are few and will be fairly easy to solve, or those who are most comfortable without much structure.

2.  Fitness for the Heart, Mind, and Soul

            For individuals, I am like a personal trainer for a healthy life and lifestyle.  After identifying what’s not working smoothly for you, we will design a number of experiences to get you, not just back in shape, but if you’re game, into the best shape of your life.

            The key is to get a clear picture of where you want to go with your life, and how to get there.  Helen Keller said, “Being blind is not so bad.  The real tragedy is when you lose your vision.”  When I hear your life story, I will inspire and draw out of you a new vision for a vibrantly healthy life.

            Just as a personal trainer teaches you what to feed your body and how work it out, I will teach you what thoughts, experiences, and relationships to feed your heart, mind, and soul.  And like a good trainer, my personal enthusiasm and dedication to your well-being will be very contagious for you.  You’ll find that thinking healthy leads to acting healthy, and both will lead to feeling very good about your life. 

            To begin seeing how this will work for you, I have some key questions for you below in bold blue.  Following each question is a list of options you can choose for our sessions.

∙1∙   Hopes:  What goals would you like to work on with me? 

        Better relationships with:

___  Spouse

___  Family members:  _____________________________________________

___  God

___  Myself--I live too much for and through others: ______________________

___  Whoever else:  ________________________________________________

        And within yourself, note any toxic streaks in your personality

              that are poisoning your life.  You’d like to deal with:

___  emotions:  __anger, __fear, __guilt, __grief, __despair, other:____________

___  habits with:  __lying, __stonewalling, __infidelity, __rituals, __temper,

                        __sex, __spending, __eating, __drugs/alcohol, other: ____________

___  problems with:  __depression, __moodiness, __anxiety, __keeping promises,

                        __reality testing, __unwanted thoughts, other:____________________

___  worries about: _________________________________________________

___  inhibitions about:  ______________________________________________

___  unanswered questions about: _____________________________________

___  spiritual or religious issues about: _________________________________

___  flashbacks from the past about: ____________________________________

___  I need help with ________________________________________________

            ____________________________________________________________

            ____________________________________________________________

∙2∙   Time Frame:  How fast or slow do you want to go here?  

       How much time (how many months?) and how many sessions per month do you think it should take to accomplish your goals above?  __________________

___________________________________________________________________

(If you aren’t comfortable answering this yet, you can skip it for now. . . .)

∙3∙   Cash flow:  If needed, what sources of financial support would you be

                               willing to explore?

___  liquidating some savings

___  sell something you don’t need

___  give up something in your life for awhile that’s less important

___  asking your parents, grandparents, or other benefactors to underwrite this as

                        they would a college course

___  asking your church to pay (at 10% reduced prices from those in ∙4∙ below)

                        in return or appreciation for your service there

___  paying some or all your fees by doing volunteer work you choose,

                        appraised at $10 or $14 or $15 per hour (I do give away 10% of my

                        time this way, but only for male clients—I’ll explain)

∙4∙   Session Formats:  What format(s) might you want to use for our contact?

___  55-minute individual sessions ($140)

___  55-minute marital/conjoint sessions ($140)

___  various other lengths of sessions, at the same hourly rate

___  90-minute family sessions, __ in the office, or __ at your home ($210)

___  open-ended sessions of healing prayer for traumatic or repressed memories

                        (usually 2-3 hours, $ 210)

___  half-day sessions, for working through painful memories ($350)

___  telephone calls (up to 10-15 minutes per week, no charge)

___  scheduled telephone sessions ($30 per 15 minutes)

___  exchanging emails (first 20 min./month free, then $30 per 15 minutes)

___  exchanging snail mail (same charge as emails)

∙5∙   Assessment:  How would you like me to get to know you? 

___  You tell me your story—I listen to understand your journey so far

___  I ask you questions to draw you out

___  Your Childhood:   You’d like to discuss this with me __briefly, __ at length, or             __ whatever.

___  Questionnaire:  You would take home and bring back a 2- or 4-page survey of short-answer questions.  I’d study your answers and discuss with you my thoughts.

___  Expanded Viewpoints:  You would sign a release to allow me to communicate with a previous therapist,  a pastor, or perhaps a loved one.  This allows them to talk with me live, by phone, or by mail, email, or fax.

___  Dream Analysis:  We discover together what a dream means from what I draw out of you as you tell me about it.

___  Projective Testing:  By your responses to things like inkblots, incomplete sentences, and drawings that you tell a story about, I can understand a lot about your view of the world and your place in it. 

___  Personality Testing:  I explain the benefit to you, and you decide which if any you want to take.  The following four instruments are the ones I use most often.  Each instrument costs $40, and includes both a written summary and verbal feedback recorded for you.  [For more info on each one, including what they measure, see:  Personality Tests.]

___  The Personality Research Form         This 352-item true-false test measures 20 needs or drives in your personality.  I use it when folks want us both to know what they do and don't like to do and to be, and when they want new ways to tell others about it. 

___  Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory         175 true-false items show tendencies to create problems for self and others.  It measures similarities to people who have been diagnosed to have various mental, emotional, behavioral, and personality disorders.  It is a big help to see what might be undermining progress in life, and can show when and how taking medication can bring positive results. 

___  Strong Interest Inventory      317 multiple choice questions are designed to show what will be the enduring patterns of interest in all the various fields of employment.  Its primary use is in choosing vocations, whether to go to college, or even what to major in at a university.  It is also helpful in choosing the setting and motivational conditions within a career that will produce optimal effectiveness.  This test also helps people look at their leisure life, suggesting avocational activities that are likely to be most fulfilling.  This can be very useful in planning retirement, or helping couples have more fun together. 

___  The Character Assessment Scale         I am the author of this 225-item true-false test, but it was presented at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association in Los Angeles, and it has been used in six continents across the world.   It measures the seven deadly sins plus a lie scale, and as a proactive challenge, it also shows the adaptive counterpart attitudes (the virtues).  Handouts are available for devotional study with biblical passages for each of the eight content areas.

∙6∙   Counseling Techniques:  How would you like me to inspire changes in you?

___  whatever it takes—all the items below

___  supportive encouragement and clarifying what I’m hearing

___  confrontively challenging your assumptions

___  drawing out your buried feelings

___  teaching you from the Bible as well as from psychology

___  role play (asking you to pretend, or imagine what-ifs)

___  praying aloud for you, or with you

___  giving you a hug as needed (for men only)

___  training in mental focusing, relaxation and guided imagery

∙7∙   Homework:  How might you be willing to help yourself between sessions?

___  read material assigned

___  have directed conversations

___  check out assigned websites

___  do written homework (write letters, journal, take notes from a tape I give  you)

___  attend affordable classes

___  attend support groups

___  share regularly with a buddy for accountability

___  work a 12-step program (go to meetings like AA)

___  choose and use a sponsor

___  rent movies, and talk about them with someone

___  do pages in a workbook each week

___  attend group therapy

∙2∙   Reconsider Time Frame:  Reconsider your goals ∙1∙ now, and how long you’d like to take for your counseling.  Consider if you want to revise your answer to question ∙2∙ above about your Time Frame.

3.  Growing a Balanced Love Relationship  

            For couples, or individuals working on a relationship, my role is to stay aware of the feelings and needs of three lively parties:  each partner, and their relationship.  My training, my calling, and my passion is to protect love relationships from harm, and cultivate in them all the fruits they were meant to bear and enjoy, especially the joys of healthy intimacy.

            Couples come to see their love relationship as a living creation.  It was born once upon a time, and someday it will die.  Meanwhile it can get sick, or it can bear much fruit as it matures through its various seasons.  Growth requires that sacrificial commitments, personal disclosures, and expressions of physical affection be kept in balance, with each other, between partners, and with what’s needed during each new season.

            Relationships are designed by their Creator to bear various fruits.  They first should enjoy improvements in their individual lives, and then secondly in their public life together.  They need to bear fruit together—enjoying their families, having fun with other couples, participating in a church family, and someday perhaps raising children and grandchildren.

             Sometimes the most desirable fruit is the most elusive—the moments of genuine intimacy which a couple is meant to enjoy in private.  It is here that a couple is to be recreated, refreshed for their fruitfulness in all other matters.  This involves working through hurts, conflicts, betrayals, and misunderstandings, so they can share their sexual and romantic natures fully and exclusively with each other.

             To get started as couple, our first session will be two hours in length, with about 30 minutes each for:

            setting goals together, and getting basic background information, what you’ve      already tried to solve these problems

            individual sessions with each partner, to elicit any private facts, feelings, or

                        agendas, and to explore that person’s past

            coming back together to begin solving the problems and plan our counseling

∙1∙   Hopes:  What goals would you like to work on with me? 

        We’d like to learn better ways to:

___  resolve power struggles over  ______________________________________

___  deepen our understanding of each other about __________________________

            ______________________________________________________________

___  eliminating jealousy and demonstrating fidelity regarding _________________

___  showing affection and tenderness

___  being comfortable and passionate sexually

___  parenting as a team

___  relating to in-laws as a team

___  managing a balanced lifestyle with time, money, and stress

___  expressing our religious faith as a team

___  addressing real or potential addiction as a team

___  find healing for how traumas, neglect, and abuse from our past have affected

             our first-instinct reactions to each other

∙2∙   Time Frame:  How fast or slow do you want to go here?

       Many couples choose to see me every other week for an hour and a half.  How much time (how many months?) and how many sessions per month do you think it should take to accomplish your goals above?  __________________

___________________________________________________________________

(If you aren’t comfortable answering this yet, you can skip it for now. . . .)

∙3∙   Session Formats:  What format(s) might you want to use for our contact?

___  90-minute marital/conjoint sessions  ($210)

___  55-minute marital/conjoint sessions ($140)

___  individual session(s) for the male partner, length: ____minutes,

                        frequency ____times per quarter ($140 per full hour)

___  individual session(s) for the female partner, length: ____minutes,

                        frequency ____times per quarter ($140 per full hour)

___  90-minute family sessions, __ in the office, or __ at your home ($210)

___  half-day sessions, for crises, can include some individual work ($300)

___  telephone calls (up to 10-15 minutes per week, no charge)

___  scheduled telephone sessions ($25 per 15 minutes)

___  exchanging emails or snail mail (first 20 min./month free,

                        then $25 per 15 minutes)

∙4∙   Cash flow:  If needed, what sources of financial support would you be

                               willing to explore?

___  liquidating some savings

___  sell something we don’t need

___  give up something in our life for awhile that’s less important

___  asking our parents, grandparents, or other benefactors to underwrite this as

                        they would a college course

___  asking our church to pay (at 10% reduced prices from above) in return or

                        appreciation for our service there

___  paying some or all of our fees by starting some volunteer work  we choose,

                        credited at $10, $14 or $15 per hour

 ∙5∙   Assessment:  How would you like me to get to know you?       

___  Questionnaire:  You’d each take home and bring back a 2- or 4-page survey of short-answer questions.  I’d study your answers and discuss with you my thoughts.

___  Projective Testing:  By your responses to things like inkblots, incomplete sentences, and drawings that you tell a story about, I can understand a lot about your view of the world and your place in it. 

___  Personality Testing:  I explain the benefit to you, and you decide which if any you want to take.  The following four instruments are the ones I use most often.  Each instrument costs $40, and includes both a written summary and verbal feedback recorded for you.  [For more info on each one, including what they measure, see the website tab:  Tests I use.]

___  The Personality Research Form         This 352-item true-false test measures 20 needs or drives in your personality.  I use it to learn and show each partner what they do and don't like to do and to be, and give them new ways to talk with their partner about it. 

___  Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory         175 true-false items show tendencies to create problems for self and others.  It measures similarities to people who have been diagnosed to have various mental, emotional, behavioral, and personality disorders.  It is a big help to see what might be undermining progress in life, and can show when and how taking medication can bring positive results.  It helps couples get past arguments about mental health (“You’re narcissistic!”, “You need medicine for depression.”, “You’re an alcoholic.”, “You don’t need that medicine.”, etc.)

___  Strong Interest Inventory      317 multiple choice questions are designed to show what will be the enduring patterns of interest in all the various fields of employment.  Its primary use is in choosing vocations, whether to go to college, or even what to major in at a university.  It is also helpful in choosing the setting and motivational conditions within a career that will produce optimal effectiveness.  This test also helps people look at their leisure life, suggesting avocational activities that are likely to be most fulfilling.  This can be very useful in planning retirement, or helping couples have more fun together. 

∙6∙   Counseling Techniques:  How would you like me to inspire changes in you?

___  whatever it takes—all the items below

___  live resolution -- serving as moderator, role model, coach, referee, and

                        arbitrator as you work through a problem or decision in the office

___  role play -- asking you to pretend, or imagine what-ifs

___  supportive encouragement and clarifying what I’m hearing

___  confrontively challenging your assumptions

___  drawing out your buried feelings

___  teaching you from the Bible as well as from psychology

___  praying aloud for you, or with you

∙7∙   Homework:  How might you be willing to help yourself between sessions?

___  reversing roles/positions in a conflict, to increase insight and empathy

___  carrying out a series of carefully planned date nights

___  going away for a weekend alone together

___  expressing love in new ways as prescribed to fit partner’s needs

___  read and discuss one chapter in a book between sessions

___  have directed conversations with each other

___  do written homework -- write letters to each other, take notes from a tape, etc.

___  attend affordable classes for couples

___  share regularly with another couple for accountability

___  rent movies, and talk about them together

___  abstain from intercourse for a set period of time to allow negative feelings to

                        subside, positive desire to grow, and to learn new (or relearn old) ways

                        of showing affection  

∙2∙   Reconsider Time Frame:  Reconsider your goals ∙1∙ now, and how long you’d like to take for your counseling.  Consider if you want to revise your answer to question ∙2∙ above about your Time Frame.

4.  Prodigal Sons, and Daughters:  The Journey Home

              Never before in history has a society so abandoned the ideals of moderation, family, and community.  It seems that most American adults now stimulate themselves with pain-killing escapes from reality.  Many have multiple addictions to booze, drugs, tobacco, food, sex, spending, gambling, or that most popular addiction of all, to “codependent” living for or through their loved ones to the neglect of their own lives.

           The hallmarks of addiction are:  failed efforts to control or stop the addiction, withdrawal pains, obsessive thoughts about the habit, increasing consumption, continued addictive behavior despite huge costs/problems from doing so, and self-deception about the causes and effects of the addictive behavior.

            A very common cause and effect of addictions are their polar opposites:  compulsive habits of avoidance (aversions, or “anorexias”).  The causes and effects of these aversive disorders are remarkably similar to those for addictions:  both addicts and anorexics were often abused, neglected, or traumatized in their youth; exposed to addictions and enabling co-addicts in their families; and raised in homes that had no moderation in discipline or affection.

            The following course is different from the other three in several important ways.  It is very structured and homework-intensive, so it has a time frame built into it.  It is multi-dimensional, involving 12-step recovery, individual and ideally group counseling, a regimen of physical health, and if they will participate, your family.  It reflects a structure of 30 tasks that is now emerging from research as the model standard for all addiction treatment programs.  For sex addicts, this course usually requires about three years to complete, the longest for any addiction.

            Because addicts are usually (1) pretty unhappy with their lives due to their addiction, (2) quite injured and misled from their childhood experiences, (3) damaged from trauma, (4) addicted to more than one type of substance or behavior, (5) suffering from losses that haven’t been grieved, and (6) unaware of the existence or relevance of these five things, addicts can’t effectively plan their own treatment.  So this course doesn’t have many optional features.  It works if you work it, and you’re either on board or you’re not.

            Addicts are much like the prodigal son, codependents are much like the elder brother, and recovery is much like the father who comes running with open arms.  I am like a fellow traveler who has been this way himself, and I am here to lead you to a new home life that is better than you could have ever imagined.

PHASES OF RECOVERY OUTLINE

PHASE 0

Purpose:  To decide whether to start on this journey of recovery with Dr. Schmidt

Procedures:  Talking about what has happened, reviewing the options, managing

                          the current crisis, and learning to trust Dr. Schmidt  

PHASE 1

 Purpose:  To get the big picture, give up illusion of self-control, choose a new life

Procedures:  Coming out of denial about reality, understanding how addictions

                          work, committing to recovery, and surrendering to the process:  40 days

 PHASE 2

 Purpose:  To stop the habit, learn to handle stress, and reach out to others for help

Procedures:  Limiting the damage, establishing sobriety, guarding physical health,

                          and joining the 12-step community:  90 days

PHASE 3

Purpose:  To start rebuilding your personal life, get over the humps of greatest pain

                   and highest risk for relapse

Procedures:  Taking inventory, making amends, examining past trauma, abuse, and

                          neglect to get healing; getting through resentment, fear, shame, grief,

                          despair, and loneliness to find serenity, acceptance, and forgiveness

PHASE 4

Purpose:  To rebuild all your relationships

Procedures:  Admit the truth to spouse/lover, children, and family members (to the

                          extent they need it); decide who’ll join your new recovering family