Lessons Life Has Taught Me

Paul Schmidt, 2006

The elements of the good life, of God’s life coming through us, are "the fruits of the Spirit":  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23), and also such attitudes as courage, wisdom, hope, forgiveness, healthiness, and surely a sense of humor.  Focus on these and they will grow, as will selfish fruits if you focus on them.

The elements of the useless life, of our ego trying to express itself through our bodies, are "the fruits of the flesh":  immorality, impurity, cheap sex, idolizing, resentment, divisiveness, jealousy, envy, argumentativeness, drunkenness (Gal 5: 19-23), materialism, self-centeredness, laziness, insecurity, gluttony, addictions, dependencies, legalism, and surely taking oneself too seriously.

The more you give of spiritual things, good or bad, the more you have, and the more you want.

When you've taken something from someone, especially a fruit of the spirit, try to give it back and then some.

To know God's will, use prayer, scripture, good teaching, and wise counsel, but also become a fruit inspector.  Discern what will bring the most fruits of the Spirit to the most people, and the least fruits of the flesh.

Don't pour yourself down a drain by sacrificing your good spiritual fruit to follow or enable someone producing bad fruit.

Instead of either/or, think both/and if you can, and thus win/win.

It works far better to discern and work for God's process than to focus on what we think might be his desired outcome.

Be faithful in little things that only you can do (devotionals, health, family, work, honesty), and God will put you over much more.

God has put His masculine heart deep inside each man, yearning for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.

Likewise the feminine side of God's heart has been put deep inside every woman, yearning for intimacy with a man, for heart connections with friends and family, and to feel beautiful, wanted, and safe.

God doesn't want to suppress desire, but to join, guide, and fulfill it.

God is actively seeking closer relations with each of us, especially through the loneliness of suffering and the intimacy of romance.

To enhance your pleasures, delay them, and to minimize your pain, get it over with.

Moderation is an important virtue:  too much or too little of almost anything isn't good for you.

Telling nothing but the truth is smart, but telling all the truth may bear false witness to your kindness.

Put the needs of younger family members ahead of the older:  the old inspire love and respect when they model it in serving the needs of the young.

Know when to stop leading your children and start following them, at a respectable distance.

Love each child fully, and be creative in giving each one what he or she uniquely needs at the time.

Children are dependent upon their parents to discipline them well, set good examples, and to be well married to each other.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Anger is the normal, adaptive, needed response to injustice. 

As soon as you've expressed your anger toward the injustice that prompted it, let go of it (if necessary, to God).

Get your anger out soon (no later than bedtime tonight), because resentment and bitterness will flat eat you alive, and besides, they will hurt your cause.

Obedience to God brings freedom, the freedom to become who were made to be.  You're always free to screw up, but only through obedience can we grow up.

Forgiveness and trust are two different things:  trust has to be both earned and given.

Forgiveness is letting go of the desire to get even, by hoping and praying for the other person's peace and happiness.

Forgiveness is possible when you realize you owe it to God, your loved ones, and yourself, if not also to the offender.

Lessons from Nature:  things are in balance; crap happens; we're all different; male and female attract to recreate; things grow in seasons and in stages.

Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

If you try to save your (ego's) life, you will lose it, but if you are willing to risk losing it for God's sake, you will find it.

In work, focus your talents, skills and attention on the issues that you've always cared about most deeply, and you'll leave your mark on your field and the world.

Invest plenty of time and effort into your deepest passions.

The following are neither good nor bad--it's all in what we use them for:  knowledge, power, money, talents, energy, beauty, sexual desire, and every one of our emotions.

Keeping your eyes, hands, mind, and heart pure during all sexual arousal before and after marriage ensures and maximizes marital happiness.

Purity in sex means being free from addiction, not imagining or doing anything you wouldn't want God or your spouse to be a part of.

Communication, co-operation, and sexual romance are the big three, the magic elixir for a couple to grow more and more happy with each other.

Healthy relationships require each person to be giving these big three in balance with each other, and with what the beloved is giving.

Given time, love will always conquer hate and expose lies, but be sure to love God foremost, and keep loving yourself as you love your neighbor.

Live through your own body, heart, and dreams.

Freedom from addiction usually comes only in embracing a program (the people, principles and higher power) of 12-step recovery.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, still expecting different results.

Do the best you can, and leave the results to God.

Take only your own moral inventory, and when you're wrong, promptly admit it.

The truth hurts, but only its pain can set you free from bondage to illusions, habits, people and emotions.

To exercise authority well, be submitted well to authority.  For a person to want you over them, they need to see someone over you.

Keep it simple:  easy does it, one day at a time.

Control is an illusion, and acceptance works much better, so use the Serenity Prayer:  "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

God's strength can come through you most fully only when you realize your weakness without Him.

It gets easier and more important every year past fifty to be young for your age.

As your body is growing older on the outside, you don't mind when your heart and mind are growing younger on the inside.

It takes time, effort, know-how, and God's grace to keep a marriage's love young and lively, but that's what God wants.

The energy, health, beauty, and mental ability you lose in aging is nothing compared to what you can save by learning to give them only to what's truly important.  

Truly genuine friendships and parent-child relationships are excellent preparation for (and foretaste of) heaven.  The very best this world has to offer is complete marital intimacy.