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Dating and Love Relationships

This toolkit of insights and suggestions include articles about healthy and unhealthy single adult love relationships.

Should We Be Getting Married? Or Not?

Should We Be Getting Married?  Or Not? Good love relationships reach a tipping point:  Is it time to put our wedding plans into gear, and put them into the trash can and break up? Here’s a good way to move a good love relationship off a plateau, and decide if it’s time to commit or quit.  In counseling some 1500 married couples, these are the issues they have most often brought into my …Read More

Turning Your Unhealthy Relationships Around

  REVERSING UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS It seems to me that most Americans have one or more people somewhere in their family or friends that they just can’t get along with.  The way it feels is like, “I just don’t feel comfortable around them.  I can’t be myself.  They make me feel and act crazy, so I prefer to avoid them.” To create and maintain healthy relationships with our friends and family …Read More

Are You Growing in Balance?

Are you Growing in Balance? By Dr. Paul Schmidt   Just as inability for sick Americans to find safe and affordable health care has created a crisis in our society, ignorance among single adults about how to find safe and affordable relationships has created a crisis for them.   They are suffering through relationships that make themselves and others sick. A major part of the ignorance is that people don’t see …Read More

Four Seasons of a Love Relationship

The Four Seasons of Love Before Marriage  Another post here shows how love relationships work a lot like other living things—children, pets and houseplants. Like fruit trees, they grow through the cycle of seasons, and the time before marriage seems to me a cycle of four seasons. A problem in most relationships is that the partners are in two different seasons of readiness for love.  A good future for such couples …Read More

How to Avoid both Emotional Infidelity and Irrational Jealousy

  EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY vs. EXCESSIVE JEALOUSY             Of all the columns I’ve written, this is the one I’ve had the most requests to send out.  Now because of social media, the following is a much longer version of the column I first wrote years ago.  Though it will talk about marriage, it is also meant for those in long-term committed love relationships.             The opportunity to have a healthy friendship …Read More

Seven Lessons about Relationships from Mother Nature

Seven Lessons about Relationships from Mother Nature             We are fortunate to live in an agrarian community, particularly in Kentucky where the crops and foliage all around us go through four such gloriously distinct seasons. Some of the things we see in the natural world around us teach us a lot about living things that we can’t see, such as relationships. Different kinds of relationships have characteristics unique to them. …Read More

After Breaking up, Can We Still be Friends?

   After Breaking up, Can We Still be Friends? [This was my first newspaper column, done in the 1970’s. I still believe it, and our society still doesn’t.]              Reader: My lover and I are breaking up a 16-month-long relationship. I want to hang onto this as a friendship, but he says it can’t be done. If not, why not, and if so, how?             Dr. Schmidt:     Nobody tells you …Read More

Love’s New Rituals

  Love’s New Rituals Long ago in a faraway place called 20th century America, when lovers would get serious about their relationship, they would usually announce to the world that they were “going steady” (or, “going together”), and then if all went well, that they were engaged to marry, ideally even to “enter holy matrimony” with a church wedding.  There God would not only be asked to join them together, …Read More