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Enabling and Loving Too Much

My Approach to those who Love

Addicted or Irresponsible People

 

  • Gives you a comprehensive and consistent understanding of your loved one
  • Makes sure you support only your loved one’s healthy choices
  • Teaches you the essential two-step of disengagement and self-care
  • Identifies and corrects dysfunctional rules and habits in your life
  • Helps you find your strength, identity, and purpose from new sources
  • Teaches lessons in whatever language you can best understand them:

 

Biblical wisdom and encouragement

12-step problem-solving tools

lessons from my clinical experience

common sense of what works

informed self-interest (self-talk from your ego)

what research says recovery from addiction requires

what research says a healthy marriage and family requires

 

 

God and I will set you free from

denial of your self-defeating habits,

and from your bondage to them.

 

Is it a Bad Habit, Sin, Disease, or Addiction

  IS IT A BAD HABIT, SIN, DISEASE, OR ADDICTION?  At most big family gatherings, there will be an alcoholic, a nicotine user, or a drug abuser present. The table likely plays host as well to a few non-chemical bad habits that also threaten the family. Nearly every family has folks who have an eating, work, video game, pornography, sex, gambling, hoarding, or spending disorder. Some may also have abusive …Read More

How to Work a Good 12-Step Program

What exactly is a 12-step program?  It is the people, principles, prayers, and lifestyle practices of recovery from addiction that was started by Alcoholics Anonymous back in the 1930’s.  To work a program successfully, you need all four—the people, principles, prayers, and practices.  You can’t just read and learn at home, just go to meetings and call your sponsor, just ask God to take away the desire to act out, …Read More

Guilt, Bogus Guilt, and Shame

If you’re feeling bad about yourself, you might as well do it up right. Make something good come out of it. You can do it three different ways, and though they all feel pretty much the same at the time, the way you think and talk to yourself determines whether you end up feeling better or worse in the end. Let’s look at three ways to do guilt and shame, …Read More

Work, Rest, and Play: Balance and Transitions

Work, rest and play all affect each other. They are a spiraling interdependent cycle: doing well at one makes it easier to do the others, and doing poorly at any of them makes the others go harder. (Diet, exercise, sex and sleeping work the same way, as do praying, forgiving, and acts of kindness.) Work includes the job you do for a living, but also child care, helping friends and family, …Read More

Drug or Alcohol Abuse, Smoking, Poor Diet/Exercise: Are You Enabling Someone to Defy Doctor’s Orders?

This article is for readers who have a loved one who refuses to follow doctor’s orders for recovery from a medical problem.  It assumes you have read first the article I wrote for your loved one, “Are You in Defiance of Medical Compliance?”  And like the first piece, if you read the rest of this article and get turned off, I hope you will at least have the courage and wisdom to …Read More

Coping with Difficult People (Part 2)

This column and the previous one are for people who are deeply frustrated with someone at home or at work. If most other people have the same problems getting along with this difficult person, your first step to making your peace is to understand your enemy. Last week I explained how during hard times growing up, we all develop a character style. That’s the characteristic ways we’ve developed to handle feelings and relationships, …Read More

Coping with Difficult People

Perhaps you’ve got someone in your life that year after year you just can’t get along with. Let’s call this person “Pat”. You might want to ask yourself these questions: 1. Do other people have the same problems with Pat? If some people do not, find out how they get along with Pat, and imitate their approach. If you’re related to Pat as a spouse, a former spouse, a parent, …Read More