Packing your Suitcase with the Facts I grew up in the fifties, thinking that marital fidelity was just what you do. As far as I had heard, most all the Schmidts had apparently been faithful to their spouses. I was told that it just made good sense, for families and for society. At church we were told this was one of the big Ten Commandments. At school I was …Read More
My Approach to Sex Addiction and Infidelity
From my training, I have designed three levels of outpatient treatment programs for my clients to choose from, each customized with its own requirements for reading, writing, prayer and meditation, homework exercises, family/spouse involvement, accountability, meetings, and counseling. These programs have increasing levels of commitment/investment of time and money, and carry different prognoses for success. (The last one gives the equivalent of an intensive outpatient treatment program that would otherwise cost much more, and would meet five evenings a week for 3-4 hours per night over three to four months.)
I teach the techniques research has proven to be most effective at preventing both relapse and the onset of new addictive behaviors. An online therapy group for male sex addicts is offered on Wednesday nights at 9 for my individual clients, for 75 minutes, $140 per month. It is also an accountability group, encouraging the guys to keep in contact with each other between meetings.
Each program progresses through four stages, the order proven by research to have the greatest success:
1. Stabilizing crisis with first disclosure and setting boundaries for communication
2. Joining a recovering community and establishing sobriety
3. Creating a healthy, balanced heart and lifestyle
4. Restoring broken family relationships
I teach my clients why and how to perform the thirty tasks that research has shown to produce recovery that sober, serene, and lasting. These tasks are consistent with and yet go well beyond the traditional twelve steps of recovery. It is harder to do them out of sequence, and they MUST be done under the guidance of a sponsor who has completed them, or a trained recovering counselor. (Basically they must be done with someone who has done them with someone who has done them . . .) With me, spouses can be authorized to have input to this treatment process, and to have output from it as well.
The Lexington Herald-Leader published one of my articles on sexual addiction, explaining among other things how it is fueled by shame. You may read the article here: https://buff.ly/2UzSuMt
Forward Movement Publications in Cincinnati published a pamphlet I was asked to write explaining sexual addiction to the average Christian reader. You may read it here.
In 2005, I completed two weeks of training in Arizona conducted in person by Dr. Patrick Carnes through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) . The 45 in my class were fortunate to be the last group of trainees to be instructed from start to finish solely by Dr. Carnes in person. The author of some dozen books in this field, he is universally acknowledged as the founder of the sexual addiction movement, and as its chief expert therapist, researcher, and trainer. I completed my 30 required hours of post-training supervision, from Judith Matheny, LCSW, LMFT, CSAT, also trained by Dr. Carnes. In 2006, I became only the third CSAT in KY, and the first male. In 2016, I was trained again at IITAP, and became a CMAT (Certified Multiple Addictions Therapist) and a CSAT-S (a certified supervisor of other CSAT’s).
HOW TO WORK A 12-STEP PROGRAM What exactly is a 12-step program? It is the people, principles, prayers, and lifestyle practices of recovery from addiction that was started by Alcoholics Anonymous back in the 1930’s. To work a program successfully, you need all four—the people, principles, prayers, and practices. You can’t just read and learn at home, just go to meetings and call your sponsor, just ask God to take …Read More
Below are four lies your addiction will keep trying to get you to believe. They are discussed in several of Dr. Patrick Carnes’ books. In order to train your brain to think differently, make your own copy of this document, and add after each one ideas that will counteract them. Unbold the lie, and leave the healthy ideas in bold face. For each healthy idea, cite your source (authority). Carry a copy of this with you …Read More