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Tag Archives: frustration

Side-Stepping Second-Hand Stress

We learned last week twelve ways that emotional bullies and master manipulators dump their pressures and problems onto us. Assuming now that you can identify these stress-inducing behaviors that will trigger your bogus pressure alarm, how can you keep people from throwing you under the busload of stress that they carry around? How do you avoid absorbing someone’s second-hand stress? Here are some ways that are polite, and respectful of …Read More

Second-Hand Stress

As a follow-up for my recent columns on Coping with Difficult People, here is some assertiveness training for dealing with emotional bullies or master manipulators. The key is to see the invisible force they hit you with–stress. When somebody “stresses” you, according to the dictionary, they are subjecting you to pressure or strain. The verb “subject” literally means to throw somebody under something, like the proverbial bus, or in this …Read More

Coping with Difficult People

Perhaps you’ve got someone in your life that year after year you just can’t get along with. Let’s call this person “Pat”. You might want to ask yourself these questions: 1. Do other people have the same problems with Pat? If some people do not, find out how they get along with Pat, and imitate their approach. If you’re related to Pat as a spouse, a former spouse, a parent, …Read More

Forgive? Why? Who? What? When? and really, How?

Perhaps the number one killer of mental and relational health is the refusal to go through the learning experience of emotional pain.  But I believe our next biggest mental health buzz kill is our refusal to forgive others and ourselves. I just have to take a stab here at trying to reduce just a little bit this colossal waste of serenity. Forgiveness is a private act.  It is first of …Read More

The Lost Art of the Effective Apology

THE LOST ART OF THE EFFECTIVE APOLOGY Imagine that you have messed up big time—physically abused your child, cheated on your wife, stole money at work, or lied to your husband about where you were.  And let’s say you really want to make sure that both you and the people you’ve hurt can trust that you have learned your lessons of how and why not to do that again.  How …Read More

How to Get Depressed

You can feed your depression these body-building nutrients, or you can starve it to death.  Can you see how self-defeating and avoidable these behaviors and attitudes are?  1.  Shame:  Hurt somebody, and don’t ask them or God for forgiveness.  Don’t make amends either, or learn from it–just forget about it.  That way you can’t forgive yourself either. 2.  Resentment:  Expressing anger is the normal human response to injustice.  Hold it inside so it can turn its energy against …Read More